"Oh boy, where do I even start? This isn’t a hotel—it’s an empty box with a bed, a blanket, and a deep sense of regret. Housekeeping? Hilarious. Basic necessities? Only if you enjoy the fine art of begging at the front desk.
The “fully equipped kitchen” is truly something special. I tried boiling water, and after an hour, I started wondering if I had discovered a new state of matter. Pots, pans, plates? You wish. Coffee? Sure, if you bring your own beans, grinder, and machine. Hairdryer? Maybe if you stand outside and let the wind do the work.
And the front desk? Oh, they’re so “helpful.” Need something? You might get it. You might not. Maybe they’ll tell you to come back later. Maybe you’ll be lucky enough to receive your items one by one, like unlocking achievements in a really bad mobile game.
The bathroom? A science experiment gone wrong. The floor? A crime scene. The pool? Fictional. The kitchen? A disaster area FEMA wouldn’t dare touch.
Honestly, sleeping in my car would’ve been a luxury compared to this. Stay here if you enjoy frustration, disappointment, and the thrill of survival mode."
